Supporting Families Through Change With Stability, Respect, and Care
Separation can be one of the most emotional and challenging times in family life.
It brings change, uncertainty, and difficult decisions—but it also brings the opportunity to create a new kind of stability built around what matters most:
Your children.
This support pack is designed to help separated parents move forward with confidence, understanding, and support.
It focuses on:
- putting children first
- creating stability across two homes
- protecting emotional wellbeing
- managing finances fairly
- reducing conflict
- improving communication
- understanding support available
- helping families rebuild with dignity
Because separation should never mean children lose security.
Children need love, consistency, and peace—not conflict.
Important: Family Support and Law Differ Across the UK
This page contains UK-wide support information, but family law, courts, child maintenance, housing and some public services differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.
- Cafcass supports the Family Court in England.
- Cafcass Cymru provides child-focused advice and support to family courts in Wales.
- Scotland has its own family-law and court system.
- Northern Ireland has its own family-law system and separate Child Maintenance Service arrangements.
- Housing and homelessness law differs across the four nations.
Always check the official information that applies to where you live.
Our Core Principle
Children do not need perfect parents.
They need safe, supportive, and emotionally stable parents.
They need both parents focused on their wellbeing.
They need peace more than conflict.
They need support more than blame.
This information Helps With
Healthy Co-Parenting
Building respectful communication and reducing unnecessary conflict
Shared Care and Parenting Stability
Helping children feel secure across both homes
Child Maintenance and Financial Fairness
Understanding responsibilities without turning children into financial disputes
Family Court and Parenting Agreements
Keeping focus on the child—not the argument
Housing and Stability
Protecting safe homes and routine for children
Emotional Wellbeing
Helping both parents and children adjust to change
Safeguarding and Protection
Ensuring children remain safe, supported, and protected
Work, Finances and Family Balance
Helping parents stay stable during difficult transitions
Healthy Co-Parenting
Building respectful communication and reducing unnecessary conflict
Separation does not end parenting.
Where it is safe and appropriate, parents can reduce the impact of separation on children by keeping communication focused on the child's needs rather than the previous adult relationship.
Helpful approaches can include:
- keeping messages calm and factual
- avoiding insults and accusations
- not arguing in front of children
- sharing important health and education information
- not using children to pass messages
- giving reasonable notice of changes
- keeping money disagreements separate from parenting discussions
- reviewing arrangements as children grow
Cafcass Guidance
Cafcass advises parents to think about the individual child when planning parenting time.
Factors can include:
- the child's age
- their wishes
- activities and friendships
- specific needs
- parents' work commitments
- accommodation
- distance between homes
Our Child's Plan
Cafcass provides a free online Our Child's Plan.
It is designed to help co-parents agree practical arrangements about matters such as:
- living arrangements
- communication
- education
- health
- childcare responsibilities
- time spent with each parent
The plan is intended to put the child's needs at the centre and create a clear agreement parents can refer back to.
Start an Our Child's PlanShared Care and Parenting Stability
Helping children feel secure across both homes
Shared care is not simply about counting nights.
A child's routine, relationships, school, health, travel and emotional needs should all be considered when parents make arrangements.
Where appropriate, parents should try to make both homes feel predictable and safe.
Helpful things to consider include:
- school-day arrangements
- weekends
- holidays
- birthdays and special occasions
- medication and health information
- school uniforms and belongings
- travel arrangements
- handover arrangements
- telephone and video contact
Planning Together for Children
Cafcass operates Planning Together for Children on behalf of the Ministry of Justice.
The programme is aimed at helping separated parents focus on children's needs, understand the impact of parental conflict and improve communication.
The programme includes online learning, group work and the opportunity to develop an Our Child's Plan.
Cafcass – Planning Together for ChildrenChildren need continuity, security and reassurance.
Child Maintenance and Financial Fairness
Understanding responsibilities without turning children into financial disputes
Both parents have financial responsibilities towards their children.
Child maintenance should be about supporting a child's living costs, not about controlling parenting relationships or using money as part of adult conflict.
How CMS Works Out Maintenance
The Child Maintenance Service's current calculation guide explains a six-stage process.
- Income
- Things that affect income
- Child maintenance rate
- Children taken into account
- Weekly maintenance amount
- Shared care
CMS generally starts with the paying parent's taxable gross annual income and normally obtains income information from HMRC.
Official CMS Calculation GuideKeep Financial Records
If you use CMS or have a private maintenance arrangement, keep evidence such as:
- bank statements
- payment references
- CMS letters
- calculation notices
- payment schedules
- shared-care evidence
If you believe a CMS decision is wrong, check the formal review and appeal route rather than relying solely on a service complaint.
CMS Complaints and AppealsFamily Court and Parenting Agreements
Keeping focus on the child—not the argument
Parents who can safely reach agreement may be able to make their own child arrangements without asking a court to decide everything.
Parents Can Make Their Own Plan
GOV.UK confirms that in England and Wales parents do not have to complete official court paperwork if they agree about their child arrangements.
Parents can write down arrangements covering:
- where children live
- when they spend time with each parent
- telephone or video contact
- other practical arrangements
A voluntary child-arrangements plan is not automatically legally binding.
Where parents want an agreement made legally binding, they can obtain legal advice about preparing a consent order for court approval.
GOV.UK – Make a Child Arrangements PlanMediation and Other Ways to Agree
Families may be able to resolve disagreements without contested court proceedings through:
- mediation
- solicitor negotiation
- collaborative law
- arbitration
- neutral evaluation
Before many private Family Court applications in England and Wales, a parent will normally need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) unless an exemption applies.
Eligible families can usually receive up to £500 through the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme towards mediation sessions.
If Agreement Cannot Be Reached
A Family Court application may become necessary.
Depending on the issue, a court in England and Wales can consider:
- Child Arrangements Orders
- Specific Issue Orders
- Prohibited Steps Orders
If court proceedings are started, Cafcass or Cafcass Cymru may become involved depending on where the proceedings take place.
If a Court Order Already Exists
Do not assume an informal agreement automatically replaces a Family Court order.
Parents can agree to operate differently, but that different arrangement may not itself be enforceable unless it is made legally binding.
GOV.UK provides separate routes to:
- change an order
- make an agreed change legally binding
- ask the court to enforce an order
Housing and Stability
Protecting safe homes and routine for children
Separation can create major housing changes.
One or both parents may need to consider:
- tenancy rights
- rent or mortgage costs
- bedroom needs
- distance from school
- travel for parenting time
- housing benefit or Universal Credit
- homelessness prevention
Get Help Early
If separation places your accommodation at risk, contact the relevant housing authority before you actually become homeless.
In England, your local council may have duties to help if you are homeless or threatened with homelessness.
It is part of a child's security.
Emotional Wellbeing
Helping both parents and children adjust to change
Separation can affect adults and children differently.
Children may show stress through:
- anxiety
- anger
- withdrawal
- sleep problems
- school difficulties
- clinginess
- behaviour changes
Parents may experience:
- stress
- grief
- depression
- financial anxiety
- loneliness
- exhaustion
Getting Help for a Child
NHS guidance says children, young people, parents and carers may be able to access local mental-health support by speaking to:
- a GP
- a teacher
- a school nurse
- a youth worker
- a social worker
- a paediatrician
Self-referral may also be available in some areas.
NHS – Children's Mental Health SupportSafeguarding and Protection
Ensuring children remain safe, supported, and protected
Co-parenting guidance should never be used to minimise genuine safeguarding concerns.
Safety comes first where separation involves:
- domestic abuse
- violence
- coercive control
- child abuse
- neglect
- sexual abuse
- stalking
- serious intimidation
- unsafe caregiving
Immediate Danger
If an adult or child is in immediate danger:
Call 999.
If you believe a child is being abused or neglected, contact the appropriate safeguarding service.
Working Together to Safeguard Children 2026
England's statutory safeguarding guidance was updated in March 2026.
The updated framework strengthens guidance on areas including:
- domestic abuse
- coercive control
- child sexual abuse
- multiple forms of harm
- multi-agency safeguarding
- direct work with children
Work, Finances and Family Balance
Helping parents stay stable during difficult transitions
Separation can affect:
- working hours
- childcare
- school collections
- income
- benefits
- housing costs
- travel costs
- mental wellbeing
Flexible Working
In Great Britain, employees have a statutory right to request flexible working from their first day of employment.
Flexible working can involve changes to:
- hours
- working patterns
- start and finish times
- place of work
This is a right to request flexible working, not an automatic right to have every request accepted.
Acas – Flexible WorkingMental Health and Work
A mental-health condition can sometimes meet the legal definition of disability.
Where disability law applies, employers must make reasonable adjustments.
Acas gives examples including:
- flexible hours
- more frequent shorter breaks
- changes to workload or deadlines
- time for medical appointments
- changes to working arrangements
Check Benefits After Separation
Separation can affect household income and benefit entitlement.
You may need to check:
- Universal Credit
- Child Benefit
- Council Tax Reduction
- housing support
- childcare support
A Message to Parents
You do not have to “win.”
You need to protect your child.
You do not need more conflict.
You need more stability.
You do not need blame.
You need solutions.
Children remember how they felt.
They remember safety.
They remember peace.
They remember who protected them.
What Children Need Most
Children need:
- emotional security
- routine and consistency
- love from both parents where safe
- protection from adult conflict
- stability across both homes
- honesty without adult burden
- support at school and home
- reassurance that separation is not their fault
- support from both parents
They should only carry childhood.
Listen Without Making Children Choose
Children should be able to talk about their feelings without being made responsible for adult decisions.
Consider asking:
- “How are you feeling?”
- “Is anything worrying you?”
- “What helps things feel easier?”
- “Is there anything you want us adults to understand?”
Avoid asking a child to decide which parent is “right” or using repeated questions to obtain a particular answer.
School and Trusted Adults
Separation can affect children's concentration, behaviour, emotions and routines.
Where appropriate, consider letting a trusted member of school staff know that the family is experiencing change.
Support may come from:
- teachers
- form tutors
- pastoral staff
- school nurses
- school counsellors
- SEND or additional-needs staff
- designated safeguarding leads
A child may also benefit from support from a safe grandparent, relative, family friend, mentor or youth worker.
Separated Parents in Wales
Cafcass Cymru is part of the Welsh Government and provides child-focused advice and support to the Family Court in Wales.
Its role includes:
- promoting children's welfare
- advising the Family Court
- helping children be represented
- providing information and advice for children
Cafcass Cymru also provides information for separated parents about mediation, parenting plans and Family Court proceedings.
Cafcass Cymru – Information for ParentsScotland and Northern Ireland
Scotland
Scotland has its own family-law and court system.
Official Scottish information is available through mygov.scot.
Northern Ireland
Northern Ireland operates a separate family-law system and separate Child Maintenance Service.
nidirect provides official information about child maintenance and family support.
Our Goal
To help parents make calmer decisions.
To reduce avoidable conflict.
To protect family stability.
To support fair parenting.
To help children feel safe during change.
It is the child feeling secure.
Practical Checklist for Separated Parents
- Keep adult relationship issues separate from parenting.
- Reassure children that separation is not their fault.
- Do not make children choose sides.
- Do not use children to carry messages.
- Keep important school and health information flowing where safe.
- Make parenting arrangements as clear as possible.
- Review arrangements as children grow and circumstances change.
- Keep maintenance and payment records.
- Report relevant benefit changes.
- Seek housing help early if accommodation is at risk.
- Speak to school if a child is struggling.
- Seek mental-health support where it is needed.
- Consider mediation where it is safe and appropriate.
- Take domestic abuse and safeguarding concerns seriously.
- Keep copies of important agreements, court orders and evidence.
- Call 999 if an adult or child is in immediate danger.
Final Message
Separated parents do not need more pressure.
They need better support.
Better information.
Better understanding.
Better systems.
And a constant reminder of what matters most:
The child.
Always the child.
Because when children are protected, families have a chance to heal.
And when stability comes first, the future becomes stronger.
Support. Stability. Children First.
A Practical and Positive Guide for Separated Parents Across the UK