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Self-harm and suicide are not the same thing
Some people who self-harm may also experience suicidal thoughts, but many people who self-harm are not trying to end their life. Self-harm is often used to cope with emotional pain, numbness, trauma or feelings that seem impossible to manage.
This page focuses on self-harm support, understanding and recovery. Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts or immediate danger should use urgent crisis support.
Understanding self-harm
Self-harm means intentionally hurting yourself as a way of coping with distress or difficult experiences.
Self-harm can affect people of all
Why might someone self-harm?
There is no single reason, and every person’s experience is different.
Anxiety and panic
Intense worry, physical tension or panic may feel impossible to manage.
Depression
Hopelessness, numbness, low self-worth and sadness may contribute to distress.
Trauma
Abuse, neglect, violence, bullying or distressing memories may affect coping.
Stress and pressure
School, work, finances, relationships or caring responsibilities may feel overwhelming.
Loss and loneliness
Bereavement, rejection, isolation or relationship difficulties may increase emotional pain.
Neurodivergent overwhelm
Sensory overload, burnout, emotional intensity or communication barriers may contribute.
Self-harm may create temporary relief, but it does not resolve the underlying cause of distress. Support should focus on the person’s needs, experiences and safety rather than judgement.
Self-harm is not “attention seeking”
People who self-harm are often experiencing genuine emotional pain.
Seeking attention, care or support is not wrong
Everyone deserves to be listened to when they are struggling. Shame, blame, punishment and dismissive language can make it harder for someone to ask for help.
Signs someone may be struggling
Not everyone will show obvious signs, and these changes can have many possible causes.
Unexplained injuries
Injuries may be hidden or explanations may change.
Covering the body
A person may wear clothing that covers injuries even when it seems unusual.
Withdrawal
Reduced contact with friends, family, education, work or usual activities.
Mood changes
Increased anxiety, irritability, low mood or sudden emotional changes.
Sleep or eating changes
Noticeable disruption to sleep, appetite or daily routines.
Hopeless language
Statements about being a burden, feeling worthless or being unable to cope.
Getting support
Talking about self-harm can feel difficult, but people do not have to cope alone.
GP
A GP can discuss physical injuries, emotional distress, treatment and referral options.
Mental health professional
Support may involve assessment, therapy, crisis planning or specialist services.
Trusted person
A friend, family member, teacher or support worker can help someone take the next step.
Education support
Schools, colleges and universities may have pastoral, counselling or wellbeing services.
Workplace support
Occupational health or an Employee Assistance Programme may provide confidential help.
Listening service
A confidential helpline can provide space to talk when reaching someone you know feels difficult.
Therapy and professional support
Different approaches work for different people, and support should be adapted to individual needs.
Understanding triggers
Therapy may help identify situations, thoughts and emotions linked to urges.
Building coping skills
People can develop safer ways to manage distress and emotional intensity.
Processing trauma
Trauma-informed support can focus on safety, choice, trust and recovery.
Self-esteem
Support may challenge shame, harsh self-criticism and feelings of worthlessness.
Emotional regulation
Skills can help recognise, tolerate and respond to emotions more safely.
Safety planning
A personalised plan can identify warning signs, support contacts and steps to take during distress.
Recovery is possible
Many people recover and develop safer, more sustainable ways of responding to difficult emotions.
Recovery may involve
- Longer periods without self-harm
- Recognising triggers earlier
- Asking for help before distress escalates
- Building supportive relationships
- Improving self-worth and self-compassion
- Receiving treatment for underlying difficulties
Setbacks do not erase progress
Recovery is not always a straight line. A setback does not mean someone has failed or that previous progress no longer matters.
Understanding emotional triggers
Recognising patterns can help people plan support before distress becomes overwhelming.
A simple trigger record may include
- What happened before distress increased
- Thoughts, feelings and physical sensations
- Sleep, food, medication or substance use
- What helped, even slightly
- Who could provide support next time
Building safer coping strategies
Different approaches work for different people. The aim is to create time, reduce intensity and reach support.
Talk to someone
Contact a trusted person, professional, support line or peer service.
Write or journal
Put feelings into words, draw them or write a message asking for help.
Creative activity
Art, music, crafts or another focused activity may help express emotion.
Gentle movement
A walk, stretching or other safe activity may reduce physical tension.
Grounding and breathing
Focus on slow breathing and the sights, sounds and sensations around you.
Delay and create distance
Move to a safer shared space, contact support and allow the intensity of the urge time to change.
Coping ideas are not a replacement for medical or mental-health support. Seek urgent help when someone cannot stay safe or an injury needs treatment.
Helping someone who self-harms
A calm, respectful response can make it easier for someone to accept help.
Helpful responses
- Stay calm and listen without judgement
- Take the person and their feelings seriously
- Thank them for trusting you
- Ask what support would feel helpful
- Encourage professional help
- Seek urgent assistance if safety is at risk
Try to avoid
- Shaming, blaming or punishing
- Threatening or giving ultimatums
- Demanding immediate explanations
- Calling the person manipulative or attention-seeking
- Comparing their distress with someone else’s
- Promising to keep serious safety risks secret
Supporting children and young people
Parents, carers, teachers and professionals may feel frightened or unsure after discovering self-harm.
Listen without panic
Give the young person time and avoid turning the first conversation into an interrogation.
Reassure them
Explain that they are not in trouble and deserve support.
Seek professional advice
Contact a GP, school safeguarding lead, CAMHS or urgent service as appropriate.
Work with education
Agree a support plan, safe contact, reasonable adjustments and communication arrangements.
Support safety
Follow professional advice and make the environment safer without using punishment or humiliation.
Keep communication open
Regular calm check-ins may be more helpful than repeatedly demanding reassurance.
School, college and university support
Educational settings may be able to help reduce pressure and improve access to support.
Trusted staff member
A named adult can provide regular check-ins and help the student access support.
Safe or quiet space
A planned place to regulate may help during periods of distress.
Support plan
Clear steps can explain who to contact, what helps and how concerns will be shared.
SEND or disability support
Adjustments may be needed where disability or neurodivergence creates barriers.
University wellbeing
Counselling, disability services and mental-health advisers may be available.
Flexible arrangements
Temporary changes to deadlines, attendance or workload may be considered.
Self-harm and neurodiversity
Support should recognise sensory needs, communication differences, burnout and emotional regulation.
Possible contributing pressures
- Sensory overwhelm
- Communication barriers
- Autistic or ADHD burnout
- Rejection sensitivity
- Bullying and exclusion
- Pressure to mask distress
Support should be
- Neurodiversity-informed
- Sensory-aware
- Accessible and clearly explained
- Flexible around communication
- Non-judgemental
- Based on individual need
Related mental-health difficulties
Self-harm may occur alongside other conditions or experiences that also need support.
Anxiety
Constant worry, panic and physical tension can create overwhelming distress.
NHS anxiety information →Depression
Hopelessness, numbness, low self-worth and persistent sadness may need treatment.
NHS depression information →Trauma
Support should emphasise safety, choice, trust and empowerment.
Eating disorders
Self-harm and eating disorders can occur together and may require specialist support.
NHS eating disorders →Substance misuse
Alcohol or drugs may be used to escape distress and can increase risk.
NHS addiction support →Sleep difficulties
Sleep loss can reduce emotional resilience and make urges harder to manage.
NHS sleep support →Work and employment support
Mental-health difficulties affecting work may be supported through practical workplace changes.
Occupational health
Assessment may help identify support, risks and suitable adjustments.
Employee Assistance Programme
Some employers provide confidential counselling or advice.
Flexible working
Temporary or ongoing changes may help someone manage treatment and recovery.
Reasonable adjustments
Employers may have legal duties where a mental-health condition meets the disability definition.
Self-harm and online content
Online spaces can provide connection, but some content may increase distress or encourage harmful comparison.
Protecting wellbeing online
- Mute or block distressing accounts and keywords
- Leave spaces that encourage or normalise harm
- Use recovery-focused and professionally moderated resources
- Talk to someone when content increases urges or distress
For parents and carers
- Discuss online experiences calmly rather than using blame
- Agree reasonable safety steps together
- Report harmful content through the platform
- Seek professional advice if online activity is linked to increasing risk
Self-harm support and advocacy services
UK organisations offering information, emotional support and recovery resources.
NHS self-harm support
Official guidance on self-harm, treatment, getting help and supporting someone else.
Visit service →Samaritans
Confidential emotional support at any time, day or night.
Visit service →Mind
Mental-health information, self-harm guidance, local services and rights information.
Visit service →Rethink Mental Illness
Mental-health information, advice and support for individuals and families.
Visit service →Harmless
Specialist self-harm recovery resources, family support and professional guidance.
Visit service →Self Injury Support
Information and support focused on self-harm, recovery and emotional wellbeing.
Visit service →YoungMinds
Mental-health and self-harm information for young people, parents and carers.
Visit service →The Mix
Support and information for young people under 25.
Visit service →Childline
Confidential support for children and young people.
Visit service →Student Minds
Mental-health information and support resources for students.
Visit service →National Autistic Society
Autism, mental-health and family support information.
Visit service →Carers UK
Information and support for unpaid carers.
Visit service →When to seek urgent help
Seek urgent support when an injury requires treatment, self-harm is escalating, someone feels unable to remain safe, suicidal thoughts are present or there is immediate danger.
Immediate danger or serious injury
Call 999 or attend A&E immediately.
Urgent mental-health support
Call NHS 111 and select the mental health option.
Talk to someone now
Samaritans provide free emotional support on 116 123.
Frequently asked questions
Does self-harm always mean someone wants to die?
No. Many people self-harm to cope with distress rather than to end their life. However, suicidal thoughts can occur alongside self-harm, so safety concerns should always be taken seriously.
Should I tell someone about self-harm?
Speaking to a GP, mental-health professional or trusted person can help you access support and reduce isolation.
Can people recover from self-harm?
Yes. Many people recover gradually with support, treatment, safer coping strategies and greater understanding of their triggers.
How should I react if my child tells me?
Stay calm, listen, thank them for telling you, avoid judgement and seek appropriate professional advice. Call emergency or urgent services if they cannot stay safe or need medical treatment.
Is self-harm attention-seeking?
No. Self-harm is commonly linked to genuine distress. A need for attention, care or understanding should also be responded to compassionately.
Can work or education provide support?
Yes. Support may include wellbeing services, trusted staff, occupational health, flexible arrangements and reasonable adjustments depending on individual circumstances.
Key message
Self-harm is often a sign that someone is experiencing emotional pain, distress or overwhelming feelings. It is not a sign of weakness, failure or lack of character.
People who self-harm deserve compassion, dignity, respect and access to appropriate support. Recovery is possible, and many people develop safer coping strategies and move towards a healthier future.
No one should have to face emotional distress alone. Reaching out is a positive and courageous step.
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