Family conflict can involve:
- Separation/divorce
- Child arrangements disputes
- Financial disagreements
- Domestic abuse
- Conflict with in-laws or extended family
- Parental alienation concerns
- Inheritance/family property disputes
- Communication breakdowns
In the UK, there are legal, mediation, safeguarding, counselling and emergency support systems available depending on the situation.
Important: The UK Has Different Family Law Systems
Family law is not identical throughout the United Kingdom.
England and Wales share many Family Court procedures, while Scotland and Northern Ireland have different legislation, courts and procedures.
The detailed information about C100 applications, Cafcass, MIAMs, Child Arrangements Orders, Prohibited Steps Orders, Specific Issue Orders and the Family Procedure Rules on this page primarily relates to England and Wales.
Always check the rules applying to the country where the case is being dealt with.
1 Immediate Safety First
If there is:
- Violence
- Threats
- Coercive control
- Harassment
- Stalking
- Child safeguarding concerns
Contact emergency services immediately where somebody is in immediate danger.
Emergency Help
Emergency: 999
Non-emergency police: 101
If you call 999 from a mobile but cannot speak, listen to the operator's instructions. The Silent Solution may allow a caller to press 55 when instructed so the call can be transferred to police.
Domestic Abuse Support
Women's Aid
Women's AidRefuge
RefugeNational Domestic Abuse Helpline
National Domestic Abuse HelplineMen's Advice Line
Men's Advice LineGovernment Guidance
GOV.UK - Domestic Abuse: How to Get Help2 Understanding Common Types of Family Conflict
Separation and Divorce
Common issues:
- Child contact
- Finances
- Property
- Communication breakdown
- Emotional stress
Child Arrangement Disputes
Disputes may involve:
- Where children live
- Overnight stays
- Schooling
- Holidays
- Medical decisions
- Relocation
The court focuses on:
The welfare and best interests of the child.
Children Act 1989
In proceedings concerning a child's upbringing, section 1 of the Children Act 1989 says the child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration.
Financial Conflict
Typical disputes:
- Mortgage responsibility
- Hidden assets
- Maintenance
- Debt
- Property ownership
The legal position can be very different depending on whether a couple is married, in a civil partnership or unmarried.
In England and Wales there is no general legal status of "common law marriage".
Extended Family Conflict
May involve:
- Grandparent access
- Inheritance
- Care responsibilities
- Cultural/religious disagreements
- Family business/property disputes
Grandparents
Grandparents do not automatically have a legal right to spend time with a grandchild in England and Wales.
Where agreement or mediation does not work, a grandparent will commonly need the court's permission before applying for a Child Arrangements Order, unless another legal entitlement to apply applies.
Inheritance Disputes May Not Be Family Court Cases
Disputes about wills, probate, estates or ownership of family property may involve probate or civil law rather than private children proceedings in the Family Court.
Parental Alienation Concerns & Alienating Behaviours
Important Terminology
Cafcass does not use or refer to "parental alienation" as a condition or syndrome.
Cafcass instead considers specific alienating behaviours and their impact on the individual child.
A child's resistance or refusal to spend time with a parent can have many possible causes.
These can include:
- Domestic abuse
- Fear of harmful parenting
- Harmful parental conflict
- Attachment or separation issues
- The child's own experiences and views
- Alienating behaviours by a parent or carer
Cafcass guidance says domestic abuse and other harmful parenting should be considered when exploring the reasons for a child's resistance or rejection.
3 Family Mediation — Strongly Recommended Where Safe
What Mediation Is
Family mediation helps people:
- Resolve disputes calmly
- Avoid court where possible
- Agree parenting arrangements
- Discuss finances
A neutral mediator helps both sides communicate and explore possible agreements.
Mediation is different from relationship counselling.
Benefits
- Can be cheaper than court
- Can be faster
- Can reduce stress for children
- Discussions are generally private and confidential, subject to important legal and safeguarding exceptions
- Can allow flexible arrangements
Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting — MIAM
Before many Family Court applications in England and Wales, an applicant will usually need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting — MIAM.
At a MIAM the mediator considers whether mediation or another form of non-court dispute resolution may be suitable.
MIAM Exemptions
A MIAM is not required in every case.
Exemptions can include circumstances involving:
- Evidence of domestic abuse
- Child-protection concerns
- Urgency
- Risk to life, liberty or physical safety
- Certain other circumstances specified by the Family Procedure Rules
Victims of domestic abuse should not be pressured into mediation where it is unsafe or inappropriate.
£500 Family Mediation Voucher
The Family Mediation Voucher Scheme can provide eligible families with up to £500 towards mediation costs.
The scheme is not means-tested, although eligibility and availability rules apply.
4 Domestic Abuse & Coercive Control
Conflict is not always "mutual".
Sometimes domestic abuse is present.
Signs of Coercive Control
- Financial control
- Isolation
- Monitoring phone/social media
- Threats involving children
- Intimidation
- Emotional manipulation
Coercive Control Is Criminalised Across the UK
The exact criminal offence and legislation differ between the UK's legal jurisdictions.
England and Wales: section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 creates the offence of controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship.
Scotland: the Domestic Abuse (Scotland) Act 2018 criminalises a course of abusive behaviour towards a partner or ex-partner, including coercive and controlling behaviour.
Northern Ireland: the Domestic Abuse and Civil Proceedings Act (Northern Ireland) 2021 created a domestic-abuse offence which includes controlling or coercive behaviour.
Harmful Conflict Is Not Automatically Domestic Abuse
Cafcass separately assesses domestic abuse and harmful parental conflict.
Harmful conflict may involve both adults having difficulty communicating, managing anger or cooperating around a child.
Domestic abuse can involve power, coercion, intimidation, violence or control and should not simply be labelled as "mutual conflict".
5 Protecting Children During Conflict
Children are often deeply affected by ongoing family disputes.
Helpful Approaches
- Avoid arguing in front of children
- Keep routines stable
- Avoid making children "choose sides"
- Never use children as messengers
- Focus on consistency
Listen Without Making the Child Decide
A child's wishes and feelings can be important.
However, children should not be made responsible for resolving adult disputes or deciding the outcome themselves.
Cafcass advises that children should not be placed in the middle as a judge, spy, messenger or decision-maker.
Child Mental Health Support
6 Going to Family Court
If agreements fail, court may be necessary.
The Family Court can deal with matters including:
- Child arrangements
- Prohibited Steps Orders
- Specific Issue Orders
- Non-Molestation Orders
- Occupation Orders
- Financial remedies
Children Act Applications
In England and Wales, form C100 is used for applications for:
- Child Arrangements Orders
- Prohibited Steps Orders
- Specific Issue Orders
Family Court Is Not Simply About Which Parent "Wins"
The court's legal focus in Children Act proceedings is the child's welfare.
Evidence should therefore be focused on matters relevant to the child and the orders being requested.
Domestic Abuse Allegations in Child Arrangements Proceedings
Practice Direction 12J
Practice Direction 12J sets out how courts in England and Wales should deal with domestic abuse and risk of harm in child arrangements proceedings.
The guidance includes consideration of:
- Allegations of domestic abuse
- Patterns of coercive and controlling behaviour
- Risk assessments
- Fact-finding where necessary
- Whether child arrangements are safe
- Protective arrangements around contact
7 Non-Molestation Orders
Non-Molestation Orders can be used where domestic abuse, threats or harassment exist and the legal eligibility requirements are met.
They can prohibit behaviour including:
- Threats
- Violence
- Certain contact
- Harassment
Breach of a Non-Molestation Order can be a criminal offence.
No Court Fee
GOV.UK states that there is no court fee for applying for a Non-Molestation Order or Occupation Order.
Emergency applications may also be possible where immediate protection is needed.
Occupation Orders
An Occupation Order can determine who can live in or enter the family home in certain domestic-abuse situations.
Eligibility depends on factors including the relationship between the people involved and their legal interests in the home.
8 Communication Strategies That Reduce Conflict
Use the BIFF Method
Keep communication:
- Brief
- Informative
- Friendly
- Firm
BIFF is a communication framework rather than a legal rule, government standard or Family Court requirement.
The underlying principle of keeping child-related communication short, factual and respectful can nevertheless be useful in reducing avoidable conflict.
Avoid
- Long emotional messages
- Personal attacks
- Revisiting old arguments unnecessarily
- Social media conflict
- Involving children in disputes
Practical Child-Focused Communication
Where communication is safe, messages can focus on practical information such as:
- Collection and return times
- School information
- Health appointments
- Medication
- Activities
- Holidays
- Changes to agreed arrangements
Useful Parenting Apps
Some separated parents choose specialist communication and parenting apps to help document arrangements.
- OurFamilyWizard
- TalkingParents
9 Legal Aid
You may qualify for legal aid in certain family-law situations, including where:
- Domestic abuse is involved
- Child protection issues exist
- Legal-aid financial eligibility requirements are met
- The type of legal problem is within the legal-aid scheme
Low Income Alone Does Not Automatically Mean Legal Aid
Eligibility depends on the type of case and, where applicable, financial eligibility, merits and evidence requirements.
In domestic-abuse family cases, written evidence may be required before legal aid can be granted.
Evidence can potentially come from organisations including:
- Police
- Courts
- Health professionals
- Social services
- Domestic abuse services
- Refuge managers
- Other qualifying organisations
10 Emotional Recovery & Mental Health
Family conflict often causes:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Burnout
- Sleep problems
- Trauma symptoms
Support Options
- GP support
- NHS Talking Therapies
- Counselling
- Relationship therapy where safe and appropriate
Relationship Therapy & Domestic Abuse
Joint relationship counselling may not be safe or suitable where one person is experiencing domestic abuse or coercive control.
Specialist domestic-abuse support may be more appropriate.
11 Common Mistakes That Escalate Conflict
Avoid:
- Recording illegally or using recordings inappropriately
- Posting online about disputes
- Using children for information
- Ignoring court orders
- Relying only on verbal agreements where clarity is needed
- Threatening messages
Important: Recording Is More Complicated Than "Legal or Illegal"
Secretly recording another person is not automatically unlawful in every private situation.
However, covert recordings can create serious issues involving:
- Privacy
- Children's welfare
- Data protection
- Authenticity and completeness
- Admissibility and evidential value
- Publication or distribution
The Family Justice Council issued specific guidance in 2025 on covert recordings involving parents, children and professionals.
Never Secretly Record a Family Court Hearing
Family Procedure Rule 27.9 states that a party or member of the public must not use unofficial recording equipment in court without the court's permission.
Doing so without permission can constitute contempt of court.
This also applies to trying to make an unauthorised audio or video recording of a remote court hearing.
Be Extremely Careful With Social Media During Family Proceedings
Family proceedings are commonly heard in private and strict rules can restrict publication of information about children and proceedings.
Avoid:
- Posting court documents publicly
- Publishing children's private information
- Attacking another party online
- Posting evidence from the case without checking the rules
- Sharing recordings or confidential material publicly
If unsure whether information from proceedings can legally be shared, obtain legal advice or ask the court.
12 Evidence & Documentation
Keep:
- Texts/emails
- Parenting schedules
- Financial records
- Incident logs
- School correspondence
- Medical records where relevant
Organised evidence can be important in disputes.
Good Evidence Is More Than Having Lots of Documents
Useful evidence should normally be:
- Relevant to the issue the court must decide
- Dated where possible
- Presented accurately
- Kept in chronological order
- Traceable to its source
- Focused on facts rather than insults or speculation
Consider Creating a Chronology
A simple chronology can help show:
- Date
- What happened
- Who was involved
- What evidence supports it
- Why it matters to the issue before the court
Follow Existing Court Orders
If a Family Court order is already in force, do not simply assume that an informal disagreement or change of circumstances cancels it.
If arrangements need changing, consider:
- Whether agreement can lawfully be reached
- Whether mediation is appropriate
- Whether the court order needs to be varied
- Whether an urgent application is necessary
- Whether immediate safeguarding action is required
Seek legal advice where necessary.
13 If You're Representing Yourself
Many people attend Family Court without solicitors.
A person representing themselves is commonly referred to as a litigant in person.
You Can Represent Yourself
GOV.UK confirms that people have the right to speak for themselves in court without a solicitor or other legal professional.
You can still obtain legal advice even if you represent yourself at the hearing.
Helpful Support
Communication Support & Adjustments at Court
If disability, communication needs or another condition makes it difficult to participate in court proceedings, tell the court as early as possible.
Depending on the circumstances, support can include adjustments to help somebody understand and participate effectively.
GOV.UK also explains that an intermediary may sometimes help with communication at a hearing.
14 Conflict Resolution Framework
A practical order of escalation can be:
- Calm discussion
- Written agreement
- Mediation
- Solicitor negotiation
- Court application
- Enforcement if necessary
This Is Not Appropriate for Every Case
The steps above should not be followed rigidly where there is:
- Domestic abuse
- Immediate danger
- Child safeguarding concerns
- Risk of abduction
- Urgent medical or education issues
- Another reason urgent court action is required
In those circumstances it may be appropriate to obtain specialist advice or make an urgent application without attempting ordinary negotiation first.
15 Important UK Organisations
Government & Legal
Parenting & Family Support
Child Protection
16 Most Effective Real-World Strategies
People generally get better outcomes when they:
- Stay child-focused
- Keep evidence organised
- Use clear written communication where appropriate
- Avoid reactive behaviour
- Use mediation early where safe and suitable
- Separate legal issues from emotional conflict
- Get professional support early
Focus on the Issue That Actually Needs Resolving
Family disputes can become harder to resolve when every historic disagreement is combined into one argument.
Try separating issues into categories such as:
- Children
- Safety
- Housing
- Finances
- Communication
- Property
- Court orders
Then identify what decision or agreement is actually needed for each issue.
Practical Family Dispute Checklist
- Identify the precise issue that needs resolving.
- Put immediate safety first.
- Keep children away from adult arguments.
- Do not use children as messengers.
- Keep communication factual where possible.
- Save relevant correspondence.
- Keep a dated chronology.
- Keep copies of court orders.
- Read every court order carefully.
- Check deadlines immediately.
- Use official court forms.
- Check whether a MIAM is required.
- Check whether a MIAM exemption applies.
- Consider mediation only where safe and suitable.
- Check whether the £500 mediation voucher may help.
- Check legal-aid eligibility.
- Keep financial disclosure accurate.
- Do not hide assets.
- Do not publish confidential family-court information online.
- Do not secretly record court hearings.
- Get advice before relying on covert recordings.
- Ask for reasonable adjustments if needed.
- Report genuine safeguarding concerns appropriately.
- Keep allegations factual and evidence-based.
- Follow existing court orders unless legally changed.
- Seek urgent help where somebody is at risk.
When Presenting a Family Court Case
A useful way to organise an issue is:
- What happened?
- When did it happen?
- What evidence supports it?
- How did it affect the child?
- What order or action are you asking for?
- Why would that outcome support the child's welfare?
This can help keep a case focused on relevant facts instead of becoming a general account of every disagreement between adults.
Right First Time UK — Final Message
Family conflict can be emotionally exhausting, but not every disagreement needs to become a prolonged legal battle.
Where it is safe, early communication, mediation and professional support can sometimes resolve disputes before they become more serious.
Where domestic abuse, coercive control, violence or safeguarding concerns exist, safety must take priority over attempts to force cooperation.
Keep children at the centre of decisions — but never put them in the middle of adult conflict.
Good preparation means understanding the issue, knowing which legal route applies, keeping relevant evidence organised, meeting deadlines and asking for appropriate support when needed.