Building Stronger Families, Stable Homes & Positive Futures
Family is one of the most important foundations in a child's life. Where relationships are safe, respectful and healthy, children often benefit from having both parents working together to provide stability, love, guidance and support.
At Right First Time, we encourage parents to strengthen relationships and work through difficulties wherever it is safe and in the best interests of children.
Every family faces challenges at times, but with the right support, communication and guidance, many families can rebuild stronger and create a healthier future together.
Supporting Families Does Not Mean Staying Together at Any Cost
The purpose of relationship support should never be to pressure somebody to remain in an abusive, coercive, controlling or unsafe relationship.
Where relationships are safe, early help may support parents to improve communication, reduce conflict and strengthen family life.
Where domestic abuse or serious risk exists, safety must come first.
Separation can sometimes be the safest and healthiest option for a parent or child.
Why Stable Families Matter
Children thrive best when they feel:
- Safe
- Loved
- Supported
- Protected
- Listened to
- Emotionally secure
A stable family environment can help children develop confidence, resilience, healthy relationships and emotional wellbeing throughout life.
Stability Is More Than Parents Living Under the Same Roof
Family stability can involve:
- Emotional safety
- Reliable care
- Predictable routines
- Healthy communication
- Suitable housing
- Financial security
- Education and healthcare
- Positive relationships with trusted adults
A household in which adults remain together but children are exposed to abuse or severe conflict should not automatically be considered a healthy or stable environment.
Benefits for Children When Parents Work Together
Where family relationships are safe and healthy, children may benefit from:
- Greater emotional security and stability
- Consistent parenting and routines
- Reduced stress and uncertainty
- Stronger family connections
- Better educational and social outcomes
- Improved emotional wellbeing
- Greater financial stability within the home
- Shared support and guidance from both parents
- More stable housing and family structure
Children benefit most when they are protected from ongoing conflict and placed at the centre of decisions made by adults.
The Child's Welfare Comes First
Children Act 1989
In England and Wales, when a Family Court determines a question concerning a child's upbringing, the child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration.
Relevant matters can include:
- The child's wishes and feelings, considering age and understanding
- Physical needs
- Emotional needs
- Educational needs
- The effect of changes in circumstances
- Any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering
- The ability of parents or other relevant people to meet the child's needs
Benefits for Parents
Healthy and supportive relationships can also benefit parents by providing:
- Shared parenting responsibilities
- Emotional support during difficult times
- Greater financial stability
- Reduced pressure and stress
- Better work-life balance
- Shared household responsibilities
- Improved communication and teamwork
- Stability for future planning and childcare
- Stronger family support networks
- Opportunities to resolve challenges together
Working together positively as parents can help create a calmer, more secure and supportive home environment for the whole family.
Understanding Parental Conflict
Disagreement between parents is not automatically harmful.
The Department for Work and Pensions' Reducing Parental Conflict guidance explains that some arguing and disagreement can be a normal part of family life.
The concern is where conflict becomes:
- Frequent
- Intense
- Poorly resolved
- Persistent
- Hostile
- Focused on winning rather than resolving problems
Frequent, intense and poorly resolved parental conflict can have a significant impact on children's mental health and longer-term wellbeing.
Parental Conflict & Domestic Abuse Are Not the Same
It is important not to describe domestic abuse simply as "relationship conflict".
Cafcass distinguishes harmful parental conflict from domestic abuse when assessing children's welfare.
Domestic abuse can involve an imbalance of power, coercion, intimidation, fear or control.
Where abuse is present, telling both people simply to communicate better, compromise or share responsibility for the problem may be inappropriate and unsafe.
Common Challenges Families Face
Many families experience periods of pressure or difficulty, including:
- Financial stress
- Parenting disagreements
- Work pressures
- Mental health struggles
- Communication difficulties
- Relationship breakdowns
- Loss, grief or trauma
- Social isolation
Seeking support early can help prevent problems from becoming more serious and may help families rebuild healthier communication and relationships.
Steps Families Can Try Before Problems Reach Crisis
Where everyone is safe, parents may find it useful to:
- Identify the actual problem rather than attacking each other.
- Choose a calm time to discuss important issues.
- Allow each person time to speak.
- Avoid arguing in front of children.
- Avoid threats, insults or humiliation.
- Agree clear household responsibilities.
- Discuss parenting rules and routines.
- Review financial pressures together.
- Make time for positive family activities.
- Ask for support before the relationship reaches crisis.
- Seek mental health support when needed.
- Consider relationship counselling where appropriate.
These Steps Are for Safe Relationships
They are not intended as advice for somebody experiencing domestic abuse, coercive control or violence.
Healthy Communication
Communication does not mean that parents have to agree about everything.
Healthy communication can involve:
- Listening before responding
- Speaking respectfully
- Avoiding personal insults
- Being clear about concerns
- Trying to solve one problem at a time
- Recognising when emotions are becoming too intense
- Returning to difficult discussions when everybody is calmer
- Keeping children's needs separate from adult disagreements
Parents may disagree while still treating each other respectfully.
Protecting Children From Adult Conflict
Children should not be made responsible for resolving adult relationship problems.
Avoid:
- Asking children to choose sides
- Using children to carry messages
- Questioning children about the other parent
- Criticising the other parent to the child
- Arguing about parenting arrangements in front of children
- Sharing inappropriate details about money, court cases or adult disputes
- Making a child feel responsible for keeping the family together
Keep the Child at the Centre - Not in the Middle
Children can be listened to without being asked to make adult decisions.
They should be able to express feelings and concerns safely while adults remain responsible for resolving adult problems.
Early Family Support - Best Start Family Hubs
In England, Best Start Family Hubs are being expanded to provide families with easier access to local support.
They are free to use and can connect families with services including:
- Parenting advice
- Family support
- Mental health support
- Infant feeding support
- Early SEND support
- Stay and play activities
- Money guidance
- Health services
- Education and development support
Families do not necessarily have to wait until problems become serious before asking for help.
Mental Health, Stress & Relationships
Mental health difficulties do not automatically mean someone is a bad parent or partner.
However, untreated stress, anxiety, depression, trauma or emotional difficulties can sometimes place additional pressure on family life.
It may help to seek support for:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Trauma
- Anger
- Emotional regulation
- Burnout
- Parenting stress
- Relationship pressures
Financial Pressure & Family Relationships
Money problems can place significant pressure on relationships.
Where financial stress is causing conflict, consider seeking help with:
- Benefits entitlement
- Debt
- Rent or mortgage problems
- Energy bills
- Budgeting
- Childcare costs
- Employment support
When Separation Happens
Sometimes separation may become necessary, particularly where there is:
- Domestic abuse
- Unsafe behaviour
- Emotional harm
- Substance misuse
- Coercive or controlling behaviour
- Ongoing high conflict affecting children
When parents separate, children can sometimes experience:
- Anxiety and emotional distress
- Changes to routines and living arrangements
- Financial difficulties
- Confusion or divided loyalties
- Reduced contact with one parent
- Stress caused by conflict between adults
However, children can still thrive after separation when parents:
- Co-parent respectfully
- Keep conflict away from children
- Maintain routines and stability
- Communicate calmly
- Focus on the child's wellbeing first
The most important factor is ensuring children grow up in a safe, loving, stable and healthy environment.
Separation Does Not Have to End Positive Parenting
A relationship between adults may end while both continue to have an important parenting role.
Where safe and appropriate, separated parents can continue to work together on:
- Education
- Health
- Routines
- Activities
- Important family events
- Holidays
- Online safety
- Children's emotional wellbeing
Resolving Disagreements Without Court
If parents separate and cannot immediately agree arrangements, court does not always have to be the first step.
Depending on the circumstances, options can include:
- Mediation
- Solicitor negotiation
- Collaborative law
- Arbitration
- Neutral evaluation
Family Mediation Voucher
In eligible England and Wales family cases, parents can usually access a government-funded contribution of up to £500 towards mediation.
The mediator assesses whether mediation is appropriate.
Mediation should not be treated as appropriate automatically where domestic abuse or serious safeguarding concerns exist.
Domestic Abuse & Safety Support
No parent or child should remain in a relationship that is abusive, unsafe, controlling or harmful.
Safety must always come first.
Domestic abuse can affect:
- Women
- Men
- Children
- Families of all backgrounds
Abuse can include:
- Physical violence
- Emotional abuse
- Coercive control
- Financial abuse
- Threats and intimidation
- Isolation from friends or family
- Online or digital abuse
Domestic Abuse Act 2021
The legal definition of domestic abuse includes:
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Violent or threatening behaviour
- Controlling or coercive behaviour
- Economic abuse
- Psychological, emotional or other abuse
Children Can Be Victims of Domestic Abuse in Their Own Right
The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognises certain children as victims of domestic abuse in their own right where they:
- See the abuse
- Hear the abuse
- Experience the effects of the abuse
This applies where the child is related to the person carrying out the abuse or the person experiencing it, as defined by the Act.
Children therefore do not have to be physically assaulted themselves for domestic abuse in the household to affect them seriously.
Domestic Abuse Support
Men's Advice Line
Confidential advice and support for male victims of domestic abuse.
Men's Advice LineRespect Phoneline
Support for people concerned about their own abusive behaviour towards a partner or former partner.
Respect PhonelineGOV.UK Domestic Abuse Support
Government information about identifying domestic abuse and obtaining support.
GOV.UK Domestic Abuse HelpSafeguarding Children
If there are concerns that a child is experiencing abuse, neglect or another serious risk of harm, safeguarding support should be sought.
Concerns can be reported to the relevant local authority children's services team.
Support for Children & Families
Getting Help & Support
Families do not have to face challenges alone.
Support services can provide guidance, counselling, parenting advice and practical help.
Family & Relationship Support
Consider Asking for Help Early If...
- The same arguments happen repeatedly.
- Communication has broken down.
- Children are becoming worried about arguments.
- Children are being drawn into adult disputes.
- Financial pressure is causing persistent conflict.
- A parent's mental health is affecting family life.
- Parenting disagreements cannot be resolved.
- One or both parents feel overwhelmed.
- The family is becoming isolated.
- You are considering separation but want support first.
Asking for help early does not mean that a family has failed.
Early support can sometimes prevent manageable problems from becoming crises.
If Family Court Becomes Necessary
Sometimes parents cannot reach agreement and a Family Court decision becomes necessary.
In England and Wales, applications can include:
- Child Arrangements Orders
- Specific Issue Orders
- Prohibited Steps Orders
Court should not be treated simply as a battle between two parents. The legal focus is the child's welfare and best interests.
If You or Your Children Are in Immediate Danger
If you or your children are in immediate danger, call 999.
If you cannot speak on a mobile call to 999, follow the emergency operator instructions. Where the Silent Solution is available, callers may be instructed to press 55 so the call can be transferred to police.
Do not delay seeking emergency help because of concerns about maintaining the relationship.
Right First Time UK - Healthy Family Principles
- Children's safety comes first.
- Adult safety matters too.
- Children should be protected from harmful conflict.
- Children should not be asked to take sides.
- Healthy disagreement can be resolved respectfully.
- Domestic abuse is not simply a communication problem.
- Support should be sought before problems reach crisis where possible.
- Financial and mental health pressures should not be ignored.
- Parents can ask for relationship and parenting support.
- Remaining together should never be encouraged where it creates danger.
- Separation does not have to mean the end of positive parenting.
- Where safe, separated parents can still work together for their child.
- Children's views can be heard without making them responsible for decisions.
- Family Court decisions should focus on the child's welfare.
- Professional help should be sought where safeguarding concerns exist.
Final Message
Supporting families is about protecting children, strengthening relationships and creating safer, healthier futures.
While staying together can provide many benefits where relationships are safe and respectful, the wellbeing and safety of both children and adults must always come first.
Every family deserves support, understanding and the opportunity to build a positive future.
The goal should never simply be "keep parents together". The goal should be safe children, healthy relationships, supported parents and stable families.
For some families that may mean rebuilding a relationship and staying together.
For others it may mean separating safely and learning how to parent positively across two homes.